Archive for the ‘1992’ Category

“FENCE!!!!!!!!!!!”

Posted: February 18, 2011 in 1992, Hack, Rags/Trash Talk, Turner
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I had mentioned in an earlier post about the notorious left field fence at Saugus High.  That fence they had that was colored blue and was made of solid wood.  On this day in Verdugo History….We were playing Newhall-Saugus…again.  This was NOT the day of the infamous “Saugus 500.”  No, this was another game.  In fact, this was the final regular-season game of the ’92 season and we were going to start the playoffs in a couple of days against…you guessed it….Newhall-Saugus.  There wasn’t much at stake this game as both teams had already clinched playoff spots.  And what happened on this day may have been one of the top-five laughers of all-time Verdugo lore.

Workman came up and hit an absolute SHOT up the left-center gap.  Their left and center-fielders were sprinting towards the ball.  I mean these guys were running  FULL BORE.  It looked like the left fielder might have had a chance to make a play on it.  One problem.  His teammate, the centerfielder forgot to tell him he was running out of real estate.  No warning.  The left fielder sprinted straight into that solid wood fence.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a word that can describe the sound of when he crushed into it…all I can say is that it was really, really LOUD.

The left fielder went down in a heap.  The ball caromed off the wall and our guys were now hustling around the basepaths.  Their center fielder was now chasing a ball that was rolling back towards the infield.  The guy that ran into the fence was still on the ground and looked like he was dead……….

As our guys were rounding the basepaths and I was “windmilling” guys home from the third base coaching box I heard Robb Turner yell out the word “FENCE!!!!!!!!!!”

I started laughing so hard I fell down………………

That blue fence they had also had that really cool yellow line painted at the top of it.  If a ball hit the yellow line and still stayed in the park, it’s a home run.  Hack’s shot probably hit the yellow line.  It could have gone either way.  I wanted to argue about it with the umpire but how could I have put together a convincing case when I couldn’t stop laughing?

Fat Bitch Gets His Bra Knocked Off…Twice!! (Part One)

Posted: February 10, 2011 in "B", 1992, BullOxen, Haggs, Rags/Trash Talk, Yves
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I never liked this kid the moment I first saw his fat lazy ass.  Of course I dislike anyone wearing a different uniform than ours, but there was a special annoyance I had with this overweight slob.  I REALLY became annoyed with him when he beat us in 1990 with a 75 mile an hour fastball.  In fact, ALL HE HAD was a “fastball.”   I couldn’t believe he beat us, and our guys couldn’t believe it either.  All I know is we wanted another shot at him.  We had to wait two long summers before we faced him again, but it was well worth the wait, and not only did we get another shot at him…we got TWO!!!

You guys on the 1990 Team know who I’m talking about.  The fat slob from the Sun Valley team with the crewcut.  If you would have put a set of white and red checkered overalls on this guy…the Bob’s Big Boy mascot would have been out of a job.  What a sweathog!!  This may be the first guy I’ve seen who sweated from his eyes and ears and fingernails!! (maybe even his teeth, too).   And to top it all off…he actually thought he was good.  I don’t know how the hell this slovenly mongrel beat us that year in 1990…but he did.  I’m still fucking pissed that cheesedick beat us………

The problem was when we faced him two seasons later he had gained about 60 more pounds.  And he was throwing about 94 mph.  He now actually had a “fastball.”  And he had just finished a season of Junior College ball where he actually did pretty well.  I mean this Fat Bitch was bringing’ it.  I saw him in the bullpen throwing peas….he was all geared up.  I didn’t care how fucking hard he was throwing…I knew we were ready for whatever he came at us with.  I mean, this guy had like TWO pitches he threw…hard and HARDER.  Looking back, I thank God they didn’t sell Red Bull back in 1992, cause this guy was ready to blow a frickin’ head gasket.   And since he beat us in 1990…he figured this game was going to be just a walk in the park.   

This was a big game.  The playoff picture was starting to emerge and we were right in the thick of it.  We came into that game 12-2 and had just SWEPT the Glendale team on 4th of July, effectively knocking them out of the playoff picture.  So it was basically down to us and Sun Valley for a playoff spot.  Some of the other coaches around the league (including Fat Jody) had come to watch the game that Sunday night.   When Sun Valley opened up a 5-0 lead…I guess all of the coaches had seen enough.  They all went home.  It was the top of the second inning and once again….everybody wrote us off.  I guess they thought that all this early-season hype about that team from Verdugo Hills was just a bunch of B.S………well, I would have PAID good money to see the look on the faces of all of those bitches when they opened up the L.A  Times Sports section Monday morning and learned we had come back to win 11-10.  Not only did we win…but ANOTHER rivalry had started.  

Fat Bitch was bringin’ it pretty good that night.  But BullOxen hit a seed in the bottom of the first that the left fielder somehow grabbed to end the inning.  Fat Bitch did a little double-take after that bullet…and I heard one of the guys in our dugout say something like “there’s gonna be plenty of that tonight fat ass” as he was walking back to his dugout.  We rolled a five on him the next inning.  Now guys in our dugout were starting to say to him stuff like “nice tits.”   Hagee hit a frickin’ seed that whistled past his little crew-cut.  Then he DOSED Yves with a pitch…trying to instill a little fear in us.  It didn’t matter….we hit bullets off of him all night.  He was getting a whiplashed out there.  Finally someone said…”pick up your bra, bitch.”……..we were calling him “Chuck and duck”……….it was brutal the shit we said.  And we were lovin’ every minute of it…..

Cowsill lead off the seventh with another shot up the left-center gap…and Hagee knocked ‘ol fat-ass out of the game with another screaming whistler right past his fat noggin.  As their manager went out to pull his beat-like-a-dog-ass out of the game we were all (except me of course) just jawing at their coach who looked like a fat walrus himself.  He was so pissed that right there in front of about 300 people he looks into our dugout from the mound and acts like he’s holding it and jacking-off as if to say to us…”fuck you.”

Wiley Jackson was quick to say to him after his little gesture……….”Hey two-five need some soap?”

That comment brought the house down. They were done. We were totally in all of their heads.  Fat Bitch had to make the walk of shame into right field after we had totally lit him up and walrus had pulled him from the game.  He had to walk right past Hagee who was standing on first.  And Hagge was jawing at him all the way.  The ump had to intervene.  That may have been the hardest that fat-bitch had been hit his whole life…………at least until about 10 days later, when we hit him even HARDER and knocked him out again.

They kept trying to come at us but ran themselves out of both the eight and ninth innings….and we held on to win.  All in all….we torched him for 10 runs in six innings.  And he only struck out one guy.  But the damage was done when we kept hitting shot after shot RIGHT AT one of their guys on defense……..that was what had really demoralized him.  Of course…….after the game he was already saying shit like “we’ll see you in 10 days.”  And sure enough……..he did.  This was only the first time he got his bra knocked off………….I can’t wait to tell you about the SECOND time we did it to him.

“They burned their bodies”

Posted: December 23, 2010 in 1992, Behind the Scenes, Hank, No Way!, Weapon
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by Colin James

I have finally met with the coach of this baseball team.  This was our second interview and we couldn’t even get past the first question before I was inspired to write.  All I asked him was the following:  “So just what was it about this team that made it so special?”

He said “They did all the little things that you hoped a team would do.  On the field and off the field, too.  They hung around together, they were always picking each other up, they were looking to slide headfirst, they went in hard to break up double-plays, they were looking to dive and make spectacular plays, they talked a lot of shit,  they dogpiled, they burned their bodies, they…..”

“Stop!” I asked in disbelief…….”Did you just say that they burned their bodies?”

A smile lit up his face.  “Yes” he said, “they burned their bodies.”  Now he was laughing.

“What on earth are you talking about?” I asked.

“I can’t remember the exact date it happened,” he said.  “It was either the night after a win that had clinched our first playoff spot or it was after we had made a furious rally to beat Fat Jody in the playoffs”

Before I asked him just who “Fat Jody” was I had to ask “They burned their bodies?”

“Let’s just say we were celebrating that win in typical Verdugo fashion.  I went straight home and started pounding celebratory beers and some of the players showed up.  Maybe except for four or five guys everyone was there.  We were all drinking beer and smoking cigars.  I think it was Hank who started the whole thing.  I walked outside and there he was, standing there with a cigar in his left hand.  He reached that cigar across his chest to his right arm and was burning a mark in his right arm.  If he had pushed that cigar any harder into his arm he would have knocked the quarter-sized cherry off of it.  He was basically branding himself.    He held it there for about 30 seconds.   You could smell the flesh burning.  Smoke was just coming off his arm.  He still has that “gar”-burn mark today.  I think six or seven guys did it.”

“They were so happy with the win that they BRANDED themselves with cigars?” I asked.

“Fucking -A.  That’s exactly what they did.  Hank started doing it and it was kind of contagious.  Next thing you know like six or seven guys were doing it….all trying to outdo the other as to how long they could hold it on there while it burned.  Nobody held it on there longer than The Weapon.  In fact, Weap held it on there SO LONG that about a week later he had to go to the hospital.”

My God man, I thought to myself!  “And what happened to The Weapon?” I asked.

“He branded himself right in that spot where people slit their wrists, you know?  Well, apparently it got infected and a purple line was moving up his arm from the spot where he had branded himself with the gar.  You should let Weap tell you the story at the reunion……..I promise you WON’T stop laughing the way he tells it.”

“Did you also brand yourself that night?” I asked.

“I would have”…..he said………”but I was just too drunk.  But that’s what you gotta love about our program.  We didn’t work hard and play hard.  We played hard and played hard!”

And here I was thinking that this is something one would do IF and ONLY IF they were too drunk.  My God, I thought to myself……..I wish I could have seen this team play!

Were YOU one of the folks who “Burned their bodies?”…………….if so , please comment and tell us what it felt like (if you even remember).  Better yet take a picture of it and send it to us here at the blog and we’ll be happy to show the world your official “Verdugo Gar-Burn”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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